Funeral - should I go?

A high school friend lost a child over the weekend - very, very sad ;-(





I want to show support for her, but the funeral/visitation is 2 1/2 hours away - it would be about 5 hours total driving time. I haven%26#039;t seen the friend in years and I never met the child.





It%26#039;s so sad... I just can%26#039;t decide what I want to do. Is sending flowers enough?

Funeral - should I go?
Kitty-





Send flowers, by all means. The obituary will usually indicate what the family wants. Sometimes the family will request donations to charity instead of flowers. Since you indicated that you aren%26#039;t close and haven%26#039;t seen your high school friend in a long time, it is o.k. to send a card and flowers. The high cost of gasoline may be a good reason to stay home and send flowers and a card instead. If you had stayed closer and had more contact, then, I would have suggested you make the trip.








Then, send a card with a nice heartfelt message (%26quot;I was very saddened to learn of your loss. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.%26quot;)





Any message of sympathy is appreciated.
Reply:Kitty-





Thanks for the points. I hope it all works out for you. Report It

Reply:Think how you would feel if it was your child who had died, and you let people know (or they read it in the newspaper) and they didn%26#039;t go to the funeral because they didn%26#039;t know the child. GO TO THE FUNERAL, and even before that, call the mother and ask if there is ANYTHING you can do to help her during this terrible time in her life. This is just five hours of driving time out of your life to give a little comfort to a grieving mother ... sending flowers is NOT %26#039;enough%26#039; in this case. EVER!
Reply:You should definitely send a sympathy card and flowers (or make a donation in the child%26#039;s name to the charity of the parents choice)





You do not have to attend the funeral, of course it would be a wonderful gesture. However if you really cannot make it, make sure you do acknowledge the loss and send a show of sympathy to the family.
Reply:depends on how well you know the friend, how much you speak, and how close you are





i think if you dont see each other much, and arnt close much, flowers and a card are great





if you are closer than that, and see each other more regularly, or talk on the pone regularly then going to the funeral to show support is more appropriate





she will appreciate your effort, even tho she probably wont say it





but id send the card and flowers if you dont speak much,





i think it would possibly be a bit odd, and maybe even uncomfortable if you havnt seen each other for a long time, and thats not the best circumstance to put that kinda pressure on either of you
Reply:Sending a sympathy card is good enough. Often people may not want flowers received but rather a donation to a charity she may have to her choosing.





If you are not in close every day contact with an old school friend their is no expectations you need to attend. Your thoughts on a card expressing your sympathy at this moment is an acceptable etiquette.
Reply:Of course it is always nice to be there.... how close of friends were you. Could not have been that close if you have not seen eachother in years. I think flowers would be fine. I am sure your friend would not expect you to be there. 5 hours is a decent amount if driving, especially if you are not close enough friends to have hung out in the past years. Don%26#039;t feel bad unless you just really want to go.
Reply:seeing as how you haven%26#039;t seen the friend in years, i would say don%26#039;t go. it%26#039;s too far away and been too lonng since you%26#039;ve seen her. you can send a card and flowers to show your sympathy and let them know you care and are thinking of them.


don%26#039;t make your reunion with your friend at their child%26#039;s funeral.
Reply:If you can go at all - if there%26#039;s any way you can make it: GO TO THE FUNERAL.





I%26#039;ve had friends die (suicide, accidents, illness) who were way too young to die. As a teacher I%26#039;ve gone to the funeral of students. I%26#039;ve gone to the funeral of the children of colleagues - children I never even knew existed until they died. And I can tell you that parents NEVER FORGET it if you make the gesture of going to the funeral. It really is a HUGE comfort to them just to know that you came. If they don%26#039;t see you, don%26#039;t greet you, don%26#039;t know you are there, the sheer numbers of people who turn out helps them, because it tells them, %26#039;My child will not be forgotten. All of these people will remember that my child was alive.%26#039;





You haven%26#039;t seen the person in years, but you are sad, you feel for that poor woman, your heart goes out to her - and you should get into your car and %26#039;go out%26#039; to her too! You will NEVER regret it and she will always be grateful It doesn%26#039;t matter if you%26#039;ve never met the child, it%26#039;s the fact that your heart is with her that you care, that you want to be with her in her grief.





Really, the only thing you can do for people who are experiencing grief - and the worst possible grief is the death of a child - is to BE WITH THEM. You don%26#039;t need any special words. The fact that you drove 5 hours after many years of non-contact will be such a gift. That alone will show that you REALLY do sympathize. It may renew the friendship; it may not, but it%26#039;s a gesture she%26#039;ll never forget and will always bless you for.





And you will feel SO GLAD that you went.





You don%26#039;t need any words - don%26#039;t worry about what you will say. Just , %26#039;I heard about your child and I%26#039;m so sorry, I had to come.%26#039; You%26#039;ll NEVER regret going out of your way to comfort someone in their darkest hour.





As a general rule, NEVER skip anyone%26#039;s funeral, because you aren%26#039;t going for the dead person, you%26#039;re going for the living. And the more people turn up for the funeral, the more comfort there is for the bereaved person.





Do the thing that would touch your heart most if you were in her situation - GO.
Reply:I don%26#039;t think convenience should be an issue, but if it is going to provide a hardship for you, than yes, you can send flowers, and a card.


If you can make it, then I would try, she is going to remember that you were there.
Reply:I think that sending a plant or flowers and a heart felt note would be a very nice gesture. maybe when you have time, you can offer to take this friend out to lunch or brunch or something. It will show that you are thinking of her/him and that you care.
Reply:if you are close with this friend i would go, she needs your support. I could never imagine what it feels like to lose a child, i know i would need all the help possible to keep me sane and going on. It is best if you be there for her.
Reply:GO





my mother did that and felt guilty - because yuo can only ever go to thats pearsons funeral one - NEVER AGAIN so stop thinking its all bad and go and remember what a great pearson she/he was. you will feel guilty





here to help





.Oliver.
Reply:Given the distance and the fact that you were not close, sending flowers and a card is sufficient and shows support. She will remember that you cared to send something.
Reply:It seems now there is usually a foundation or something to send money to instead of flowers. If there isn%26#039;t then sending flowers and a card with a heartfelt message written in it would be sufficient.
Reply:If you can afford to go - please go. It would mean a great deal to her, more than you will ever know. Flowers can%26#039;t replace a kind face, a loving hug and the sharing of tears.
Reply:Since I cannot even imagine losing a child and the pain that would cause, I would go, she is going to need all the support she can get.
Reply:Send flowers and a card. You don%26#039;t have to go. However, if you can go, you should. If you have nothing else going on. It would mean a lot to her! She needs you right now.
Reply:Send the flowers. She is too busy grieving to notice you wont be there; that and she is going to be supported by family and nearby friends.
Reply:If you haven%26#039;t seen her in years then sending flowers or a donation to charity is fine.
Reply:If you have the day off go. If you have work or prior commitments send the flowers with a nice hand written note.





So sorry for you friends lost.
Reply:I would send flowers, and also a nice letter (not email) telling her how sorry you are %26amp; how badly you feel for her. That should be enough.
Reply:i think sending flowers with a nice message is enough - especially as you haven%26#039;t seen your friend in years.
Reply:Sometimes we have to make big sacrifices in the name of friendship...I am sure you will make her feel supported and loved just when she needs it very much if you get there...
Reply:if its a friend that is very dear to you then make the drive but if you dont speak that much and want to send your sympathy then flowers would be greatly appreciated im sure
Reply:if u really have concern, u must go............ this is the right time u show ur support to her...........
Reply:funerals freak me out. knowing myself, i wouldn%26#039;t go. but you should go only if you really care to.
Reply:no... you have to go and show support





i%26#039;m sorry for your loss
Reply:no you should go.


you will feel better after about it.


like a better person.
Reply:go to and pray
Reply:you should go!
Reply:u should go



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