Should I go to the funeral??

I work at a very small business as an assistant to the CEO, and I%26#039;ve been here for about a year. This week, my boss%26#039;s mother passed away. I didn%26#039;t know her, but he was very close with her. I organized a beautiful arrangement of flowers from everyone at work to be sent to his house. But I didn%26#039;t expect to go to the funeral. Everyone who works here is really close and some of the other co-workers want to rent a van and get everyone, who can, to go to the funeral, which is about 4 hours away, this Saturday. I had some plans for my Saturday with my husband, and I feel selfish saying that I can%26#039;t go. What is the proper way to handle this? Am I wrong in wanting to stay home? I feel like since they are giving up their Saturday to travel to the funeral, then I%26#039;m selfish if I decide not to go.

Should I go to the funeral??
Since you don%26#039;t know the woman, don%26#039;t feel you have to go. A funeral can be a very private event. When my father passed away earlier this year, I barely noticed who was there. If my boss and co-worker had not come, I would not have thought anything of it - and my dad%26#039;s funeral was in town. It was more important to me to see people I knew growing up, and people he talked about - his friends from work, church, etc.





As his assistant, you will have added responsibilities to help ensure that your boss has plenty of time to grieve without his job responsibilities crying out for him - focus more on this. You will need the weekend to help with it.





What may be better is to offer to help him out more when he returns to work.
Reply:If you feel the need to do something offer your help or your time. Maybe he might need someone to walk his dog while he is attending, something so small can seem so big when you are overwhelmed by a death.
Reply:No not at all.
Reply:It is entirely up to you. I%26#039;m sure it would mean a lot to your boss if you went, but he shouldn%26#039;t hold it against you if you can%26#039;t go. Just tell your boss that you will be unable to attend the funeral because you are not available this weekend, but you extend your sympathies to him and his family. Then, if any co-workers ask you about it, you can say you%26#039;re not able to attend. But tell your boss before you tell anyone else.
Reply:You did all you need to do. They won%26#039;t miss you.
Reply:Tell them you have plans then let the CEO know that your sorry for his loss
Reply:No. Your bosses focus will be on the loss of his mother. He will understand the fact that you did not know her and in fact it may not occur to him that you didn%26#039;t go. As a small business owner I would not expect my employees to be there if it was my mother%26#039;s funeral.
Reply:Sending flowers was enough to show your sympathy. Maybe you could send your boss a sympathy or thinking of you card. You said your %26quot;co-workers want to rent a van and get everyone, who can, to go to the funeral.%26quot; The key words here are %26quot;who CAN%26quot;: you already have plans for Saturday, so you can honestly say %26quot;I am sorry, I am unable to go.%26quot; If people ask why and you don%26#039;t want to go into detail, say you cannot go for personal reasons.





Hope this helps, and sympathy for your boss. Have a good weekend!





Burgundy
Reply:i wouldnt dwell on feeling guilty. you were kind enough to arrange some flowers sent to his home on behalf of everyone, and without seeming horrible, i dont see the point in attending someones funeral that you never knew. if you feel that you have to explain your absense, just say that your husband had arranged something special for you both, and it was arranged a while ago. your boss and everyone else should understand, and if they dont, then they are the ones who are being selfish, and inconsiderate!
Reply:don%26#039;t go but send a real nice card and flowers
Reply:You sound like a lovely , caring person. Another perspective:


I would not want my co-workers to attend my mother%26#039;s funeral but that%26#039;s just me.
Reply:Actually, no one will worry at all if you do not go.


Simply say that you never knew he person and that you had other arrangements you cannot cancel at this late stage.


Do send a personal card to the funeral parlor though.


They will pass it on to the family, most of whom will not even know who you are
Reply:No, you are not %26#039;wrong%26#039; for not going.


The flower arrangements you took care of were nice, and appropriate for your station.


The reason everyone else is going isn%26#039;t necessarily because they knew his mom, but to support him.....which you at this point and time are not comfortable doing. Tho a year seems to be long enough to be part of the company family.





Personally I like that there are still places where the work place is like another family.


If your boss was close to his mom, and you are close to him, which being his assistant I would imagine so....then I think you need to suck it up, and attend the funeral. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. You%26#039;d appreciate that people from work would be there for you and your family.





The greatest thing we can do is simply be there for someone at a time of great loss.





Even tho it shouldn%26#039;t reflect on you at work, it will. Human nature being what it is there will be those who see your not going, as cold.





I understand that you have made plans....but keep in mind, no one really plans to die and make our lives and schedules a mess on purpose.





Good luck with your decision.
Reply:Don%26#039;t feel guilty. There is no %26quot;rule%26quot; that says you must go.





By organizing the flowers from EVERYONE at work, you went above your duties as an employee.





I would assume that there are people who have worked there longer than you, and may have even known your bosses mother. Let them go to the funeral if they feel they need to.





I would get a card for your boss, and just write a short note saying you are sorry for his loss, he is in your prayers, etc. and leave it at that.
Reply:You did the flowers and as long as you tell him you%26#039;re sorry for his loss, it%26#039;s not as though you%26#039;re expected to go - like you said, you didn%26#039;t know her.





Funerals are typically for friends and family of the deceased - not friends and family OF the friends and family.
Reply:It will be noticed that you were not there but your co-workers are. Find a way to show him support in his time of sorrow without going before hand. Just a simple jesture of concern for him will go a long way. Inform him that you cannot make it, you do not have to go into details but apologize for your absence and tell him that he will be in your prayers or something along those lines.
Reply:This is a personal decision. The way I was taught is that %26quot;if you feel like you need to go to a funeral, then you have to go.%26quot; If you don%26#039;t feel like you need to go, don%26#039;t worry about what other people think they should do. It%26#039;s not their place to think about what you should do.
Reply:Why feel selfish? That makes no sense you have plans and you are not that close, you are new to the business too.


Do not go, you set up the flowers and I am sure you can send a donation in the mother%26#039;s name to her charity,(if you feel guilty not going to a funeral of a person you don%26#039;t know), which is usually in the newspaper announcement. Just tell your co-workers you had other plans for out of town with family and need to do that.


They will get over it and you will too.
Reply:You did enough to support him, spend time with your husband you only get 2 days a week to.
Reply:Im sorry but I would tell them I think that is innappropriate.You didnt even know her.Funerals are for freinds and family not people who are going simply to please the boss.If it was in your town maybe but 4 hours away? Ridulous.
Reply:nahh. you shouldnt go. it will make you really sad and it will make you cry. you probably wont be able to sleep at all or anything. if you didnt even know the chick then you shouldnt have to go. dont feel selfish cause your not. if your were selfish, then you wouldnt care if your being or acting selfish. but your not so you dont have to worry about that. so yeah. you also gave her flowers. that should be enough. if your really really worried about being selfish though, make her a card and give it to somebody whos going to the funeral, to give to her or give it to your boss.
Reply:No need to go, you are not selfish. Just be sure to verbally let him know that you are sorry for his loss.
Reply:You are under no obligation to go if it%26#039;s 4 hours away. Like someone else said, I wouldn%26#039;t want all my co-workers at my mom%26#039;s funeral. You fulfilled your obligation with the flowers. What will really be a great help to him is if you are extra helpful and understanding as his work assistant after he comes back, because he is going to be grieving for quite a while.
Reply:Your ok! Funerals are unexpected and like you said, you and your husband got plans. That was nice to help out but at a time like this, they won%26#039;t even miss you.
Reply:No dont go...





You get bad dreams when you go to the funeral.



make up