My wife's uncle died. She doesn't think she can attend the funeral but is afraid of hurting her dad?

My wife had an uncle who has been very generous in sending us money for Christmas and our wedding, etc.. He was living in assisted living and didn%26#039;t want to see anybody so my wife hasn%26#039;t seen him in like 15 or 20 years. He lived about 20 hours from us. He passed away this weekend. My wife just realized that she only has 2 vacation days between now and July and we have 2 toddlers that get sick often. Her work policy is that sick, funeral or vacation all come from the same bucket. My wife%26#039;s family is small and because he kept to himself, she only expects maybe 4 or 5 people to show up at the funeral. She thinks that because of her situation with time away from work, that she needs to not go to the funeral, but she%26#039;s afraid of hurting her father by not being there for him.


Is it offensive for her not to go? How can she make amends with her father given this situation? Is there anything..beyond sending flowers..that we can do to show our support? Suggestions please!

My wife%26#039;s uncle died. She doesn%26#039;t think she can attend the funeral but is afraid of hurting her dad?
what about making a donation in your wife%26#039;s uncle%26#039;s name to a charity that the family supports? Use the money that traveling to the funeral would cost...





I%26#039;m sure that everyone will understand that with new jobs, its just impossible for you to get away right now
Reply:She should still go. Family is what matters...regardless of the work policy, he was a beloved family member. Besides, she may think of getting a different job anyways as any job that would not allow me leniency for a family situation is certainly not the job for me.
Reply:This is a difficult and hard time. With just relocating, it would be a bad time to ask for timeoff. I%26#039;m not sure about her work%26#039;s policy for funerals but if she gets only 2 days off it would be hard for her to take it now if one of your kids gets sick.


I%26#039;d like to say her Dad should understand the place she%26#039;s in but I%26#039;m sure he%26#039;s upset at his brother%26#039;s passing and won%26#039;t be thinking of that.


Of course send flowers expressing your regrets, call her father and explain the situation as best you can and have her(if she can) tell her Dad that while she would love to be with him at this time it just isn%26#039;t possible. Some people may be upset if she doesn%26#039;t go but those people don%26#039;t know what your wife is dealing with.
Reply:How much leave time do you get at work? If one of the kids gets sick could you take time off to stay with them? If your wife was close to her uncle and wants to go to the funeral she should try to go. This may be a good opportunity to develop a relationship with her boss. Explain the situation and ask the boss if there%26#039;s any way around it. If she can%26#039;t get the time off she can send a card with a meaningful personal note to her Dad. She can also call her Dad and talk to him. He may be OK with her not going since she hasn%26#039;t seen him in so long.
Reply:A death in the family is ALWAYS a good enough reason to get away from work or anything else to attend...Funerals are the few times when families get together, and, %26quot;why%26#039;s that?%26quot;, you wonder?...
Reply:Yes, this will definitely be one of those situations that she will regret. It is disrespectful. He has been so generous to you guys. You should pick her up and get her to go. Even if you cannot go, get her to go.



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