Should I attend my ex-husband's new wife's funeral?

My ex-husband%26#039;s new wife died tragically and suddenly and I feel terrible for him, her children and my children but my feeling is that I shouldn%26#039;t go to the funeral because she and I didn%26#039;t know each other though we didn%26#039;t have any animosity that I%26#039;m aware of anyway. I plan to send flowers and will support my children in any way that I can as my youngest son especially is grieving. My children are 21 and 23. Her children didn%26#039;t know me at all and I just feel it would be inappropriate for me to go but just want to get a general idea of what other people think about this and what would be appropriate. I thought I could send food and of course the flowers and that would show my ex that I am thinking about him but without causing any kind of awkwardness.

Should I attend my ex-husband%26#039;s new wife%26#039;s funeral?
If you have a decent relationship with him I would go. It will show the kids support and that you are there for them. If you are unsure I would call him and give your condolences on the phone so that you can talk to him in personally.
Reply:Maybe you could go to the wake and not the funeral if you%26#039;re uncomfortable, but I don%26#039;t think anyone will begrudge you or hold you against showing your respect for someone that clearly meant so much to your kids. It also might be more healing for them to have you there, for support reasons and to show that you%26#039;re not going to let something like your ex-husband or anxiety over awkwardness faze or prevent you from doing what you believe is the right thing to do.


I%26#039;m sorry for your loss.
Reply:I was in this situation, only my children were young and it was my ex that died. I went to the funeral to support my young children (7 and 9) and it was a horrible experience that I will never forget. This is a very emotional time for her family and unless you knew her as a friend or were related to her I wouldn%26#039;t go. You can show your thoughts and concerns with flowers, food, or donations. Your children are old enough to go on their own, plus they will have their father there.
Reply:If you two are both comfortable with it. And he comfortable with you attending his wife%26#039;s funeral. But before you come you should ask him or tell him that you are there for him and that if you need me there for support I will be there for you. But tell him why before so he won%26#039;t think that you are there because you would want to get back with him because he might be very vulnerable.


Good luck and I hope that everything works out!
Reply:I think you should contact your ex-husband and ask him how he would feel about it. If he has any reservations, then plan on sending flowers. He may actually want you there for support. Leave the decision up to him, as he is the one who is grieving.





If you do go, try to maintain a low profile. Chances are that only your ex%26#039;s family will know who you are, and if they are at all reasonable people, should realize that you%26#039;re there to help him and the kids.
Reply:I wouldn%26#039;t go to the actual funeral, but I would go to the showing and take your children with you since they probably had a relationship with her and will need some closure.





The flowers are a good idea and the food is just an extra that you wouldn%26#039;t need to do, but it%26#039;s a very nice gesture.
Reply:Since you have children involved I personally would go. If my ex and I got along and we had children together I don%26#039;t see anything wrong with you showing your children that you are there for them. And if anyone is thinking about %26#039;why did she come%26#039; rather then %26#039;I%26#039;m sad this woman died and I%26#039;m sorry for the family%26quot; then those people are the ones who need their heads checked.
Reply:You are divorced, and your children are grown up. I really do not see any reason why you should show up. I am not sure what sort of relationship you have with your ex, but if it were me, the last person I would want to see is my ex (if I had one).





The flowers are a great, but only go if invited.
Reply:You sound like a very nice and mature lady.


Congratulations on your tact and class...





I guess sending flowers and letting your ex know you are sorry is appropiate. Letting your children know you are there for them is good, too.





As for attending the funeral....I don%26#039;t think so. Unless your ex specifically asked you to do so. Then I%26#039;d consider it...only then. Good luck.
Reply:No. Go! it%26#039;s a sign of respect for her life. If you feel saddened by her death in your heart you have every right to go. In a way, she was apart of your life and you r apart of hers. You both had a relationship with same man. I%26#039;d say that%26#039;s something u share in common with another human being. Would you be mad if she came and said good bye at your funeral? The children sound old enough to be mature about this. Go say %26quot;good bye and you will always be there for the children.%26quot; Women to Women!
Reply:How very sad. Whether or not you should go to the funeral totally depends on the relationship you have with your ex. If your presence would comfort him, then go. If not, then don%26#039;t (although do send the food and flowers). If you aren%26#039;t sure, then err on the side of not going.
Reply:I see no reason why you should not attend the funeral service to support your children and express your condolences to your ex. I agree it might be inappropriate to attend the wake afterwards as her parents will be there and it could look awkward or insensitive.
Reply:well this is a tough one......if i were you i wouldnt go because i didnt know her.........but i would go to comfort my children...........if you get what im saying, i think you should definetly send some flowers and also some refreshments......you should tell your ex that your going to comfort your kids so it kind of gets rid of the awkwardness but really go cause you feel bad.....well i hope that helps.
Reply:It really depends on the relationship you have with your ex and his family and kids. How big is the funeral? Who is invited? It is a very personal situation. Follow your gut feeling on what%26#039;s appropriate.
Reply:Just send a nice flower arrangement and support your family members, there is no need for you to be at the funeral. I am sorry for the loss to your ex husband and the children involved.
Reply:You might want to ask your ex and/or your children but I don%26#039;t think I%26#039;d go if you didn%26#039;t know her. I agree with you that it might not be appropriate. I think it would also depend on how long she had been a step-mother to your children.
Reply:You%26#039;ve stated it perfectly. You don%26#039;t want to cause awkwardness for anyone, but want to do something to show you care. Do as you are planning, send some flowers and support your kids and ex, but don%26#039;t go to the funeral.
Reply:You should send flowers and I think you should go also to show repect for you X-husband and your children%26#039;s step-mother. If shows that you can get past a divorce and still be friends and be there for your children also.
Reply:I wouldn%26#039;t go myself, sending flowers is a nice gesture, and be there for the kids. People would find it a little weird to have you there. As long as your loved ones know what your feelings are that%26#039;s all that matters.
Reply:Show up out of respect and to show you care. There is nothing wrong with a random act of kindness these days. You might regret not attending. Just show your support. You might be glad you did.
Reply:I would send flowers but I would not attend the funeral.
Reply:i thank you should go cause that would show how much your care for your children and i would just go to the veiwing not to the funeral
Reply:go you knew him you can show your respect some people still have the know how to do that
Reply:if you are innocent of everything than go.
Reply:You could go because no one is going to really think about you and if you still like your ex, just it didn%26#039;t work out yea!
Reply:dont go


it will cause awkwardness and her family might resent it sending flowers is a good gesture and it will show ur ex that u feel 4 him (but stick 2 only flowers!!!)
Reply:You could always do it for him...it might mean a lot to him. He probably needs someone right now...I don;t think it would be weird.
Reply:You are right, it would be very tacky for you to show up... send flowers instead.
Reply:that%26#039;s a hard one...I would go if my children ask me too ..i could see how there could be some awkwardness with her family...
Reply:Perfect- you know what to do now just do it.
Reply:yes, go to support your children.



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