Would you go to a funeral if you haven't had contact?

There%26#039;s a long history of events that have lead us not to have contact with my spouses family. We%26#039;ve recently learned that his Grandma passed away yesterday and we%26#039;re invited to the funeral but I think some would breathe a sigh of relief if we don%26#039;t go--which we%26#039;re not. But others are thinking we%26#039;re still selfish for not going.





Last time we went was my father-inlaws and there was no tact there on his gravesite where my m-i-l attacked my husband so we don%26#039;t fancy another public scene of disgust. We%26#039;re sending flowers instead and card of well wishes even tho we haven%26#039;t spoken to his Gran in years. That%26#039;s suitable right?

Would you go to a funeral if you haven%26#039;t had contact?
Stay away. I went to my father%26#039;s funeral and still regret it. His wife went nuts on me because I had not seen my father in a while. My mother would go nuts if I did see my father and I was always so ripped apart at one point in my life I just had to stay away from both of them..hence the attack at the funeral which of course made me feel bad... It tok so long to recover from the grief that I wish I had never gone. There are better ways to say goodbye. I loved my father and funeral attendance does not mean squat to me.
Reply:If a violent confrontation is possible then you should stay away. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. What youre doing is the best thing for everyone.
Reply:All you can do is make your own statement of integrity. If that means going to the funeral and enduring the M I L attacks, then do it. If it means sending flowers ( who will know? who will receive and send acknowledgement to you? The MIL? )


Anyway its not about what they choose to do. Its all about you and your standards. So forget about them. Pretend you are the only people on earth left for the grandmother, then decide what you want to do. ( Frankly if the scene you describe at the father-in-laws gravesite was that bad, everyone else there who viewed it would be on your side anyway since they could see what an animal she was)
Reply:It%26#039;s hard to answer without knowing the dynamics of you and your husband%26#039;s relationship with the grandmother. If there hasn%26#039;t been contact in years then maybe that means there WAS no relationship. Honeslty, she%26#039;s dead and you can send the flowers and let her RIP and she won%26#039;t know the difference whether you attended or not, it%26#039;s the others that will pass judgment on you and you don%26#039;t give a crap about them anyway, you%26#039;ve already written them off so C%26#039;est la vie, they%26#039;ll move on and so will you...
Reply:The actions that you are taking are very smart.





My father abused my mother and me. When he died a few months after my mother, I told the funeral home to handle everything, as I was not about to attend his funeral or the burial in the plot.





Minddoctor, France
Reply:I probably wouldn%26#039;t go as far as you did. Signing the guest book on line would do it for me.
Reply:Who cares what others think? I know some people that wouldn%26#039;t send flowers and a card.
Reply:Sometimes you don%26#039;t go because of the relationship you had with the deceased, but for the support you give the ones that remain here on earth.
Reply:If his mother is going to make a scene in public then chances are you should just send your flower basket with your condolenses and just not go. I don%26#039;t know the reasons for your not having contact with that family, but it sounds like it%26#039;s dangerour for you to go.
Reply:Ask hubby to talk to his mother and say if she can%26#039;t promise there will be no episodes like at his fathers funeral you will not attend.





Ultimately it is your husbands decision, as it is his family.
Reply:Yes I would have because in time of death we put aside our different and come together to share time and memories.
Reply:We must be related....one of my sisters (41 years old at the time) tried to beat up my other sister at my mom%26#039;s funeral for something that happened when she was 13 and the other had absolutely no knowledge. In fact, she%26#039;s even cancelled her vacation/hotel reservations 3 different times between Las Vegas and Atlantic City, NJ....





I%26#039;d just send the flowers.



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